Call Me Queen B

Call Me Queen B

Once again, I'm back into Gossip Girl addiction. Looking at their relationship, tricks, with cheat and lie. I feel myself in it. Honestly. I feel it.

The tension between Chuck and Blair has once against erupt. I love the fact that they love each other, but they just can't be together. They varnish. The hurt. They just can't bare to see each other living in happiness without themselves. They are selfish, just like me. I am too. But I tolerate, in a way. I'm not weak, but I believe that I would gain something in return. 

Well. In the end, they still love each other. In everyway. Whether they want to destroy each other, or they hurt each other, or even humiliate each other. Everything came from the fact that they love each other. Very much.

"You know you love me. XOXO. Lily Clover. "

By the way, spotted some one had a fling. HAD, I say. Nobody know. I just realised it yesterday when that person told me. I was kinda shocked seeing a loving couple like them, they had their issue as well. I was impressed with the faith he had on her. I'm even touched. That's a good start. They had gone through a year being apart. Now, it's time for them to save something together for themselves. Memory perhaps.

"I wish."

=)

=)

I ain't that scary am I? I've seen people can't wait to get me out of their world. Like seriously don't want me to even exist in their world. But friend, we're living in the same world. I still exist.

It all started with a misunderstanding which the technology world gave us. Or is it the relationship between us that created this misunderstood? Well, no one to blame but blame what had happened. I wasn't meant to be in your way. I was never in your way honestly. I swear to the world, I never intended to go into it. I was dedicated to someone else back then. Never intended on that person. So, why hate me? About that misunderstand issue, I didn't know. Seriously, I didn't know it wasn't your fault. It's the technology's fault. Sorry. I shouldn't had post those thing. I'm sorry. 

After so long, things had change into this circumstances. Why are you still holding on it? I thought you let go already. Or is it what we're doing is hurting you, in anyway? I'm sorry again. 

Perhaps, maybe we'll meet one day. Walking on the street, met each other unintentionally. Then, I wonder if you'll say hi. I thought we were friend. Seriously. I thought we were. 

I might sounded like I'm trying to show off something, but I was not. Never intend to. Nothing to be proud of anyway. 

Just be happy girl. Don't live in your past, live for the future.

Dream

Dream

I had a dream.

My dream used to be marrying a rich man and live happily ever after. Nowadays, much changes occurs. Changing of mentality towards what I want and what I desire in the future. I don't need to have a lot of money. I don't have to be super duper rich. I only wish for an average life, which I don't have to be worried about anything.

Then, I wish to have a business of my own. Not for money, but just leisure. I wish to have a cafe of my own. I can make coffee everyday. It doesn't have to an earning business, it just have to be a place where I can just do what ever I like. With no stress. Selling coffee I brew, sandwich I made, and cakes I bake. Besides that, the place would sell nice breakfast as well. With nice ambiance to have a quiet and nice breakfast. A place like Caffeinees perhaps. Hmm... I really wish to have a place like that. Very much.

Maybe not in the short future. Maybe in the time when I earned enough to bare my living. How I really wish I could have that one day.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

I should be talking about my birthday right? That happened a week ago. It wasn't what I expect. But it is more than I expect. Really. I'm thankful.

I never know it would be like that. I had a night. Thanks to them. They made my day. They really did. They are the best. Glad that I have them here. They are something to me.

The day I step onto this land, the part of my life changed. It is different already. All over. Everything is different. I feel it myself. That way. 

I become more and more independent. I started to not count on anyone. To not rely on anything mentally or physically. I'm on myself. Alone. 

"Happy Birthday to Myself"

Fool

Fool

I feel so dumb now. Woke up this morning and found myself being a fool. I've been a fool all this while. Blindfolding myself. Keep myself away from everything. In a way, it's pushing me towards looking at what is the reality. I hope what I see is and what I feel is not real. 

I've been taken for granted all this while. I didn't do anything. My effort is worthless. All that I've done are all bull shit. I know I shouldn't be saying this early in the morning but I can't help it but felt that way. It sucks. It really sucks. 

Somebody just come and ask me if I'm alright, and I think I'll cry my lungs out. Seriously. I'd rather stay out of everything by now. I wonder what is it gonna be when I'm back. It sucks! Totally. Very much. Front and back. Inside out. Feel like vomiting. Grr...

The Rule of Love

The Rule of Love

What do you hope for in a relationship? In every relationship, there would be expectation. A relationship without expectation, it's nothing. Cause you don't even want it to be better or a change. Expectation is never too high, it is whether you tried your best to achieve it or not. Whether you succeed, it doesn't matter. Effort is forever worth more that everything, even if it turns out to be a disappointment. But if the effort is there, you will just keep trying and trying. Just to make everything better. Maybe this idea was just totally one sided. 

What I hope for in my relationship. I only hope for three simple and basic thing. I shall call this expectation too. I wonder if it's too high. This is for you to tell me. 

Love 

This is the most basic thing in every relationship. Even in the relationship with parents and friend. There should always be love. If you don't love the person, there isn't any relationship at all. Which is why, I only hope for a heart that love me completely. Well don't have to be some psycho freak who love me till they feel like killing me. No no~ Don't come to me. 

Care

Something that everyone need. Maybe a lil bit extra from the one you love. Just a lil bit more. That person doesn't really have to be virtually with me, but just concern and care is more than what I ask for. This is just my imagination: When I'm down and depress (You are down and depress all the time! >.<), that person would just call and tell me, "Don't worry, everything will be fine. I'll be here for you. Anytime." Or maybe that person would just ask me if I'm alright when I'm not acting normal. Well, I know this kinda care I can just get it from my family or friends. But don't you think that the care from the person you love or the person who loves you should be slightly different? Care is always about feeling. Just care about how I feel or perhaps what I would feel when that person do this or do that. I've been told to care about people's feeling. How about mine? Deserved to be taken for granted? Well, I'm just saying. I needcare too.

Honesty

Finally. A healthy relationship, should be build with its basic foundation, which is honesty. Without honesty, there wouldn't even be trust and faith. Without these things, a relationship wouldn't last or it wouldn't even exist. The most trust-able person should be your family. Because they wouldn't betray you. Aren't having a relationship equals to looking for another family member in your life? If that person is not even trustworthy, then why have the relationship? 

I wonder if I'm asking too much. Correct me if I'm wrong.

By the way, do I really look like a materialistic girl who only look at branded bags, clothes, nice car, penthouse? Am I? Am I? Huh? Huh? Huh?

My Wish

My Wish

Sorry, but I just can't face this because this is too emotional that me myself can't bare to see myself like this. I'm helpless. In every way. As always.

Friday is approaching. Just trying to keep myself cheer up. So that it won't be a pathetic birthday this year. I never had good birthday. Ever. Even last year, or year before. On that day, it never turn out right. 

This year, I only hope for a peaceful and calm birthday. I don't need any surprise. What I want is only a light smile when my friend say 'Happy Birthday Lily.' I'll be more than happy. More than ever. 

This hasn't been a great year. But it's not that bad after all. At least I met some one that will really have a place in my heart forever. No matter what happen in the near future or later. 

I try to not put in any expectation. But eventually I'm putting expectation and hope into it. Pathetic. 

Well, my only wish. Be happy and pass all my subject. Wee~

Blindfold

Blindfold

Do you remember, there is this one game. Where you get blindfolded and then you'll have to count on your other senses to find the people that you are finding for. Would you take off the cloths? Would you rather break the rule just to let yourself see clearly? Would you? Or you would rather being blindfolded so that you can't see what's out there. Good or bad. Happy or sad.

When there's someone came by and tries to lead you, should you trust that person? Just follow? What if that person is for no good? What if the person leads you to the wrong pathway? What if the person did it on purpose? What if someone take away the fold for you? He/she did it to show you the truth. Show you how cruel the world is, show you how ugly the truth is. 

It might break you, or even tear you apart. 

"I rather to be blindfolded, now"

I Love The Way You Lie

I Love The Way You Lie

Some people just can't do the job better. Ass is not that big, cover better please. Especially when it's so easy to find out. Call me smart or my network is just too strong. I told you I'll find out when someone lied.

Lying is an art. How you lie, what you lie, to whom you lie and why you lie. These are all the settings before you lie. But you only have 1 second to set all these up. Once you lie, you should never go back. Lying is based on the trust from people. People trust you and you betray their trust. Trust is earned. You don't get it by doing nothing. When you lose it, that's it. It takes a very long time to accumulate it again. Lose everything in the world. But please don't lose the trust.

People always say white lies are necessary. But to me, it's just once. Once and for all. If ever I find out, that's it. Even though the intention was good. But when you lie, you'll just keep going on and on and on. It's like a drug, take it for once and you'll crave for it.

"Just be patience"

Open to be Vacant

Open to be Vacant

Did I tell you about my job. I mean the Barista job in city. I used to like my job when we were still using the old espresso machine. Until my boss change it, sold the toaster, and my two colleague quit the job, I started to hate my job. Thou he raised my pay. But the new machine just sucks and everything was bad, especially he even sell off the shop. Yea, I have a new boss, a lady boss. She looks arrogant in anyway, the way she talk just irritating as if she is great. That's not the whole point. She even cut my working hour. I used to work almost 20 hours or at least 14 hours a week. Now I'm down to about 12 hours or 18 max a week. That's kinda bad. Especially when I'm taking up my own living expenses here. I don't really feel myself in this job anymore. Until that day, Cassey called me and said her company is hiring. Well, I kinda envy her high pay job before that. I went to the interview today. Not really an interview after all. He asked me to see him tomorrow at Dandenong, and passed me a stack of paper, document I mean. Yes! It's DANDENONG!!! Hell it's like freaking far!!! >.< but well, I'll still go tomorrow and see how is it going then I'll decide if I'm gonna quit the Barista job. Wish me luck peeps. Cheers~

"Can I have a Synesso at home?"

I Have Friends. They Don't.

I Have Friends. They Don't.

I have a friend, L. He just got back with his ex.

I have a friend, H. She is hell of a bitch.

I have a friend, K. He is just so pathetic.

L

He broke up with the current long time ago because he cheated on her. He deserve it anyway. He's been telling me how remorse he is. He regretted for doing it. He just can't help. I think he should never be forgiven. But, I just can't bare seeing my friend in grief. I gave him a hand, and they got back together as a couple a month ago.

H

I never like her. It was fine when I first met her. But in a way, I feel weird with the way she act in front of me and behind me in front of my friends, especially guys. Her eyes. I don't know, but it seems like a lot of people hate her. Not just me. She's not a friend.

K

He is a very good friend of mine. Love talking to him.

L & H

They were friend too. When he told me about the remorse, he told her too. I've heard about it. But he said he hated her and never talk. That's what he told me. But you betrayed and lied to me.

K & H

He likes her. But she don't. Pathetic. She told him about L's remorse.

Me & L & H & K

L felt grateful to me laying a helpful hand. K thought H was that angel. L lied to me about him and H just to get me to help. How convenient. I never blame K. It's not his fault. I regretted helping L. I wonder if he even told H about his hatred to me.

Now I see.

"7,516,800 vs 24,019,200"
=P 

She

She

I'm not complaining since I didn't correct him at the first place that he thought she's the one who did it. She looks like an angel to both of them, or perhaps all of them. I'm not skeptical or bias to her, though I don't really like her at all. 

Yes, she did involve in that incident. But you just didn't see how much I helped. Only if he is hiding that he actually spoke to her a lot. While he told me he hated her. Perhaps then its just me myself who thought that way that I did helped him and they are now at their best. Did I helped or did she? I don't know. 

Anyway, the fact that she took the pride. She is an angel. She did all the good thing. She helped a lot of people. She is a good listener. She can give good advise. I'm nothing compare to her right?

"曖昧是最美的"

Hope

Hope

This is the first day of October. I've been back here for almost 2 months. Another 1.5 months and I'll be back again. I don't like to talk about going back anymore. It's boring already. I've been ranting about it foe so many times already.

It's October again. A month that I hope it would be filled with joy and happiness with no sorrow and pain.

Last month, things happen. Sad things happen. Life is full with uncertainty and worries.

Well, since this is a month I've been longing (not really thou), I shall hope for something. I don't need any expensive thing. But what I want is just happiness. It's just that simple.