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Cheers

Today is the last day. It's deadline. Would it be a new start or it would just varnish into the air like it never happened. I don't know. I'm hanging here. I made up my mind long time ago, but the decision had been interrupted so many times. So so many times. I'm forced to change, forced to adapt. I don't know how long more can I adapt with it, how long more can I take those punch in my heart again and again. I wish all can come to an end. Maybe start with another form or perhaps never ever again. I need a getaway. I need a way out. I might be a loser, writing this here now. They will be laughing all the way happily seeing this. But well, if your happiness is built with my sorrow, then have fun. I'm doing charity and I will go to heaven. ♥ 

As in you, whether you read this or not. I still stick to the words I gave you, but...

"I never wanna see you cry cry cry, and I never wanna tell a lie lie lie~ ♥"
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They

They started as friend. He is her boyfriend's best friend. He is the worst person ever to fall in love with. They fight, they scheme each other, they quarrel. Even before they were, friend.

They finally realize the love within. The love that they both had to each other, is nothing like anyone can understand. The dilemma and struggle in their own. The still hurt and love, non-stop hurting and non-stop putting love in each other. 

He love her. Wanna be with her. But there are too many obstacles to overcome. Too many.

She love him. Nobody else but him. She thought everything would be fine if both of them insist.

He gave up on her. She thought he wouldn't change. He turn to somebody else. She thought he is still there. But not anymore, when she see it with her own eyes. 

"He love her, no more."
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Love

Seldom blog lately. Possible because I didn't want this part of my life to be recorded here and to be seen at some point. It's been gloomy, hazy and even dark. Stop this emo talk!!!

Class started for 2 weeks already. We've been kinda in phobia at some point. Because it's freaking last semester with 2 Media Projects, 1 Law and 1 Ethics subject. This is like the ultimate semester. Rawr!!! Hope I won't screw it up. *finger crossed* 

By the way, my convocation is confirmed. Wonder who's gonna come. I wish those people that I wish they could come will really come. I really wish. But, I know it's not easy. I wish, I could only wish. =)

Japan earthquake happened two days ago. We were all discussing about it. About the death toll, about the cause, about the damage caused, about the whole incident. What we can do now is just pray, we can't be there to help, we can't do anything basically but just pray. Pray that the world would be calm, pray that the world would be safe, pray that our friends and family could be safe.
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LOVE & RESPECT

I came across this article from a Pastor in Facebook. It's one of the best article I've read. Thou I'm not a Christian, but I see the wisdom how Pastor Ma talk about Men, Women, Relationship. Something to share with everyone.

WE NEED MEN OF GOD WHO WILL LOVE & RESPECT WOMEN OF FAITH...NEXT STOP "MANHOOD"

I spent the day with a group of men in our house church learning what it takes to be a man of God when it comes to loving and respecting women. In our day an age most men are not men, they are boys. Most guys still want to marry their mom, have a women serve and take care of them, are not willing to take initiative or commit in a relationship, most men are still living in fear, not pursuing their callings for settling for “safe” because its easy. This is sad, upsetting and the standard must change.
Women don’t want to marry boys, they want to marry men. Women don’t want boys they have to put up with, clean up after and take care of, they want to be lead, pursued and taken on an exciting life adventure. If you go to most of the churches in the Western world today, you will find that there are very few spiritual men, instead there are many spiritual women. It’s disappointing, but I hear it from women of faith all the time, “Pastor Jaeson, where are the godly men?”

Today, a good brother and leader in our GBS community Daniel Ra explained what God showed him to be the “5 Pillars of Manhood” in how men must love, respect and serve women. It was enlightening and reinforcing from what I have been teaching men for years when it comes to pursuing a woman of God… of course none of us are perfect, we all have our mistakes, but we must each strive to be better and greater than what we were before yesterday, everyday making an effort to be more like God, to be just like Jesus, to be a man of faith and honor.

The 5 Pillars of Manhood…
1. Lead - A man must be a leader in a relationship, in a marriage, in a family. There are no excuses. A woman doesn’t want to make the decisions for her man, she wants her man to lead in the relationship. A man must take initiative. A man of God is leader, not a follower, a servant, not a slave, a hero not a coward. A man of God knows God and therefore knows himself. He should be the leader spiritually first, emotionally, mentally and physically he should set the standard for others to follow.

2. Protect - A real man of God will protect his partner. That means he is willing to lay down his very own life, needs and wants for the protection of the one he loves. Every decision he makes when it comes to a relationship has her protection in mind. A woman needs to feel secure, that she is protected and safe with her man. She doesn’t need to second guess, wonder if she will be okay, or have her heart and mind played with. A real man of God will not only protect his woman physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He always has the highest good in his mind for her safety, well being and wholeness. This is for the Christian guys out there, don’t emotionally rape a sister, play with her heart and tell her you are just her brother or friend. That is BS. Man up. You either pursue a woman of God because she is God’s precious creation, or you don’t try touching it at all, or play with their hearts emotionally, unless you are willing to be up front and clear with your intentions and the direction of the relationship from the start. Emotional rape is as painful to a woman as physical rape. Women are emotional beings and their hearts are not to be played with. Protect your sisters heart.

3. Provide – A real man of God will do whatever it takes to provide for his significant other. That means monetarily in finances, in basic needs and as well as what she desires. When a man asks a father for his daughter in marriage, the father will not ask, “How are you doing spiritually first?” No, the first thing the father will ask is, “How will you provide for my daughter?” Because part of being and becoming a man is providing for others, especially your wife and children. If a man can’t provide, he isn’t a man. God gave us hands and we must put our hands to work, no excuses to be lazy, God made us to rule the earth. Women are not be treated as toys, trophies or a luxury item, women are God’s highest creation, the very image of God.

I tell men all the time, “Treat your woman like a queen and you will live like a king.” Don’t be cheap brothers, you need to go all out when it comes to pursuing a woman. This is not a one time thing, but a continual practice. Women were created for beauty. They were created beautiful, to feel beautiful to be treated beautiful. You don’t handle a rose without care, it is the same with a woman of God, you treat her with the utmost care, honor and respect. Practically, that means you don’t take a woman to Denny’s on a first date, you take her to a place that hurts your wallet, but it’s worth it because she is worthy.
Also, men must also provide for women emotionally. When a women asks you, “How are you doing?” She is really asking, “How are you being?” Meaning, what are you feeling, thinking, seeing, being about at the moment. To love a women we must provide at every level – basic needs all the way to providing for them mentally, emotionally and spiritually, if not their hearts will die. Be a man, provide for your women.

4. Integrity – A true man of God is a man of his word. Too many men in our culture break promises, play with women’s hearts, date girls as if it was a game, and have no respect for women at all. This is disgusting. In old times, when a man said “You have my word!” that word was bond, it was as if an actual contract had been written, because your word was your reputation. How many men do we know today who say one thing, but do another? Men who do not keep their word, their promise or follow through with their verbal commitments. In our culture we don’t take words seriously, but in God’s world words are everything. Blessings and curses come out of the same mouth. What comes out of our mouths determines what is truly in our hearts.

What a woman wants is a man of integrity. Someone who says what he does and does what he says. Someone they can trust at their word. So as a man you must come through. Words means nothing if they are not backed up with action. Don’t sorry unless you mean it. Don’t say sorry unless you are able to back up your apologies with doing the right thing. Integrity is doing what is right, whether people are watching or not. Integrity is what you do when no one is looking. Does your woman trust you completely? If not, it is a question of integrity. Don’t tell a women you love her unless your love shows, words carry weight. They either carry false weight or real weight, a woman knows when a man means what he says.

So live by your words, live by action, be a living proof of your values, convictions and commitments. Don’t get involved in a relationship unless you are sure this what you want and what God is leading you both to do. I’ve had my share of mistakes in the past, where I got into a relationship without thinking about the consequences, protecting my sisters heart and the fear of the Lord from the get go, I’ve had to make amends and face the results of my sin and foolishness. Trust me brothers, don’t do what I’ve done in the past, don’t play games, don’t feed your fleshly desires, rather seek God, seek the best interest of the one you are pursuing, be honest, forthright from the start about your commitment and your vision for the relationship and stick to your word. Be a man of integrity.

If you pursue a women, it should be with the intentions of marriage. If not, stop playing yourself and her. It’s not about finding the right woman, it’s about being the right man. That starts with first knowing God in order to know yourself, then you will know how to love and respect a woman.

5) Courage - You are not a man until you climb the great wall of China! This is what it says at the actual great wall. Well, I have climbed the Great Wall of China so I guess I must be more of a man than others, just kidding. What is the greater underlying message here? It is a message of courage. It is a message of adventure. A man of God is a man of courage, a man of adventure, a man who is willing to take risks and do the impossible. Men were born to live a life of great adventure. Men were created to fight battles. Men were created to rescue beauties. Men were created to live.

Sadly, most men are not living. Most men are cowards, fearful and afraid of failure. Imprisoned by their own thinking and what others think about them. Many men are just boys waiting for their mother’s approval, or the approval of others in society. Most men I know are people pleasers, not God pleasers. They are more afraid of how others may reject them or not accept them if they choose to take the road less traveled.

All men die, few men truly live.

Women don’t want nice guys or good boys, women want men on a mission, men on adventure, men who are dangerous. This is why many women are drawn to bad boys because bad boys live with a sense of risk, danger, mystery and unknown. Men were created to live fearless and to live by faith. But if you walk into a church today what you find are a bunch of boys playing with their toys, working at predictable jobs, and living boring lives. It’s sad, but most guys get their sense of adventure from playing video games or watching TV, what happened to our men?

A man of faith will sweep a woman of God off of her feet. He will challenge her to go the distance in God, in their relationship and in life. A man of courage is someone who in the face of fear still chooses to move forward with trust in God, setting out to obey God’s voice at whatever the cost, because that is what matters the most. We need men who have hearts fully alive, hearts full of passion and are on a mission to change the world. There is a high cost to being a man of courage, there is a price to pay if we want to be a real hero, it means we are willing to go against the grain, follow God against all odds and live a life of honor, courage and righteousness.

When a woman finds a man of courage, it will encourage her to be all that God has created her to be. As a man, your goal is not how your woman can serve you, but how can you serve your woman? As a man, your goal is not how a woman can serve your destiny, but how can you do all that you possibly can to release the fullness of God’s glory and destiny in her.

Men take the lead, protect at all costs, provide in every way, live by your word and live a life of adventure with the Holy Spirit — obey God, not man and you will be the man of God you were created to be — and your woman will love you for it.
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Back To Realife

Yea, my long long long long long summer holiday has come to an end. Too much drama, too much tears, too much laughter, too much stories. Too much too much.

My body, my mind, my soul. Everything is mind dying and exhausting. It takes time I guess, it takes time to get everything back in place. Like how it should be, but not used to be.

Throughout the holiday, I cherish and treasure each and every single moment of it. It will stay forever.  I love all of them. Good or bad.

Back to the life here, it's like back to a real life. Life with work, reality and actuality. Time to really study, work and study and work and study and work......etc. LOL

It's been 2 weeks. Class just started, things are approaching. Assignments, projects, exams. This is also my final semester by the way. But still deciding about which convocation to take. How about decide with the amount of people who is willing to come to my convo? But it seems to be kinda pathetic to ask: Is there's anyone care to come for my convocation? =D Isn't it? Anyway, will just decide depending on my parents. LOL. Can't wait for my graduation. But before that, will have to go through some painful process- Assessment. Pray hard for me alright? <3

Well. Life had been up and down to me. Like everyone said, life is a roller coaster. Without those up and downs, I wouldn't know who is really there for me and who is meant for me to treasure for my whole life. What I want and how do I want it to be, it is all depend on me. It's my choice after all. Thou, choices are not made by me only. I've seen people, good and bad. This is life. People come by, people go away. Some will stay, some don't. Whether they gave me a good experiences or bad ones, I thank you for coming into my life. Without them, I wouldn't know what is the best for me. And I'm treasuring what I have now. I'm grateful. 

"You are the master of your own destiny."