Road That I'd Take

Road That I'd Take

Why did I insist I would write this entry? I don't know why either. But I just feel like this is something that I have to put it in somewhere. If you don't feel like reading it, just tap on the "X" mark top right, in case you're a Mac user, tab on the "X" top left. Otherwise, bare with me. I wonder if I should really blog about it. Hmm...

Over the month, too many good things happened to me as well as bad. Sometimes it feels like fairy tale or perhaps they were dreams. In the end, I'll still have to wake up. The feeling came back, once again. It's like the bond between me with people is so fragile that it might break anytime. I just feel like I'm so alone. Sometimes, don't even know who to go to. It's not that I don't have friends. I do. I have a lot of friends. But, at this moment, no matter what I do, I'm afraid it might affect the friendship and it will be gone forever. Therefore, I'm reluctant to move or even do anything. It's like no matter what I do it's not right. Not right at all. I don't know what to do.

People are not like what I used to think they are anymore. People are now more complicated, far more complicated than I've ever thought. Feeling tells. 

Apart of that, my life is a mess. Big mess. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know where I'm gonna be. I'm lost. Once again. My relationship, friendship, life, career, study, everything is so messed up. Seriously. I don't know if I should stay. I don't know if anyone wants me to stay. I don't know where I belong. I belong no where perhaps. This is so terrifying. It's scaring me so much.

Anyway, I might be leaving the country in two months time. I wonder how would it like for me to go through these two months. Well, I do have a choice. The choice that I'm reluctant to take is to continue study by spending more and more money from my family to stay here. I couldn't be selfish. My parents are getting old, my sister needs to live a life. A life of her own without have to worry about me.I wonder, how far can I go with my qualification now. I doubt it. Perhaps, I shall consider about continuing. But I doubtmy ability to study too. Anyway, life is full of choices. Too many choices that I'm afraid to take.I used to regret about what I didn't take, now I'm afraid I'd be scared by what I've take.

No one could help me, like one of my mentor always say. I shall take a serious consideration and think about what I should do, not affect by anyone, anything. I need a peace of mind.

I'll have update about my GC trip later. Till then. さよなら~