That One Person That I Love

That One Person That I Love

I didn't realize it was 3 years ago until I check my old post. I was still in UCSI, doing my 1st year of degree. I was a happy girl. But just restless because I've always got so much to do. I have to rush home before 9pm if there's no one. I always have to do so much before I go to class even when I'm at home. But I'm happy that I did so much. I'm thankful that I have the chance to do so much.

When I was in kindy, I hate it when I have to walk home myself after the school bus drop me at the junction. When I was in primary school, I love it when I'm sick. I love my recess because I got to eat some really nice lunch but not just bread. Sometimes, I have this love hate feeling towards what I have in the day. Well, what I miss the most was the congee with lots of vege in it. Spinach, carrot, and more. Oh! And clam as well. =) When I was in secondary school, I always go home late. Because I've always got so much activity in school. Clubs, Society, Practice, Competitions and so and so. After school, I'll have tuition and sometimes I gallivant with my best friend. But in the end, I'm always upset when I gets home and start yelling. ><" When I was in Uni, things changed. Changed so much. I know my responsibility. I know what I should do and what is right to do. I brought up well. I'm glad. All thanks to this person that I have all my senses and all that I need to know about the world. This person is my grandmother. Tan Kwee Eng.

She passed away 3 years ago on this day, 3 years ago. I was relieved, because she got out of pain and sorrow.

 

I just thought about something funny that happened with her. 3 years ago, it was Malaysia's general election. She refused to vote. I asked her why, she just said she don't want to. I kept asking why, then she asked, "When I come out of the voting room, how am I gonna find you?" I burst out laugh, I said," Popo, we're gonna find you. We will never leave you alone. Or were you thinking that we might throw you away? Silly." Me and my sister can't stop laughing. She read too much about old folks being left on the streets or some places. That will never happen to her. Ever. She is just so adorable.

I miss her. I've got so much to tell her. I've got so much to talk to her about.

Once I asked:

"Can you just stay with me a little
bit longer?
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me graduate from University.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me fall in love with the greatest guy.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me married to the one I love the most.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me give birth to my first child."

"I miss you. Popo. Hope you're doing well there. I love you. Forever."

If You Ever Gonna Read This

If You Ever Gonna Read This

I have changed perhaps, according to many people. Maybe I have. But after all, I'm just wanting something more in my life. Is that wrong? I wish I have more, a little bit more. But when I get what I want, people said I want too much and it is not what I deserve. Once I lost everything, literally everything. But when I'm back on track, I lost balance. I lost the balance of being a friend of theirs and a friend of the others. I could have be like what they want me and expect me to be. But I can't. I can't help to be like that. Someone dragged me into this. It shouldn't be this messy. YOU! You dragged me in, and you push everyone away, and now you want all of them by yourself. You are selfish and mean. I could have been better maybe to just stay ordinary, but you told me I could be different. Live better and be treated better. Well, after all I'm best to be ordinary, stick with what I have and what I can afford. I can't afford to be the way I was anymore. I feel sorry to myself. Sorry to everyone, except you. You're to blame. Like everyone said. I hate you, from now on. I hate you, from the bottom of my heart. Goodbye.

Parents and Companies in OZ

Parents and Companies in OZ

Finally, I'm officially graduated. I'm out of UNI. But might get into it all over again soon. Haha. Anyway, parents and companies came to Melbourne for my convocation. I'm really happy about it actually. Since I haven't seen my parents for some time. They are still like the old them, never change. I think it is really true about human that you never change after a certain time of period or age. It will not change, including habit, attitude, perception and etc. We traveled around, whole family together. Around Melbourne, Sydney and of course Perth. Overall was alright except some part where the old folks nag and behave like "how they used to be". Yea, I were saying we went to cities to visit. I like the places where I could live out of what I have to face later on. Human's fact face and reality.

Well, Sydney was just alright. We walked and walked and walked so much that my feet has blister. The pain was, urgh~ ><" The weather was so so hot that I thought it's Summer already. But well, the fact that it's still winter =( Sydney is not a place that I wish to stay thou it's also another city. Well, it just turned me off some part.

We went to Perth and we have our host and tour guide, June and Rod. Mummy's friend from the old days back in EMI. The brought us around, eating and touring Perth. It wasn't a big city but it's beautiful in it's own way. This place is quiet. But well, I can't imagine myself living in this place. Or perhaps I could the older days, but I don't know about now.

Anyway, I'm on my way now back to Melbourne. Wish me luck there. I wish I have more luck. Really hope so.

Gold Coast and Brisbane Getaway

Gold Coast and Brisbane Getaway

Well, again, I should have blog this a week ago since I came back from Queensland for almost a week already. 

This is one of the trips that I spent the most in my life. In Ringgit I mean. Well, it wasn't that bad in terms of AUD. LOL. We should've just spend $179 for our flight only, instead we spent $379 for it just because of the stupid and not trustworthy Tiger Airway got suspended till end of July. We got to get another flight back from Brisbane, which cost us 3 times more expensive than what we bought previously. Screw them!!!

Anyway, the trip started with Surfers Paradise. Well, it does has a lot of surfers over there. But I didn't really get to go to the beach at all. XD. Of course, coming to Gold Coast you have to go to Theme Park and Worlds. We did went to Sea World and Movie World. Rides, rides ,rides and shows, shows, shows. Apart of these typical activity, we had the best steak I've ate so far in Australia.

We drove to Brisbane. It wasn't a long journey thou. Shorter than me going to Ipoh from KL. Just in case you need to estimate the distance. Or even shorter than going to Geelong from Melbourne. Short enough? Well, I finally get to drive a car in Australia. Hahaha!!! Anyway, Brisbane wasn't that fun after all. It's just another city. Nothing special thou. Well it was a good trip besides Brisbane seriously has a problem with it's town planning. Especially it's road. Gave us so much problem. ><" Well, I don't think I wanna go back to Brisbane again. It's too dead, I mean quiet.

To see what we did in Queensland? Check out my Facebook of course. =)

Papa and mama is coming to Melbourne soon. More trips and more travels. Ngek ngek!!

Well, I can see what I'm gonna write in my next post dy. On the way. I know I know, I rant too much lately. = 3=

Road That I'd Take

Road That I'd Take

Why did I insist I would write this entry? I don't know why either. But I just feel like this is something that I have to put it in somewhere. If you don't feel like reading it, just tap on the "X" mark top right, in case you're a Mac user, tab on the "X" top left. Otherwise, bare with me. I wonder if I should really blog about it. Hmm...

Over the month, too many good things happened to me as well as bad. Sometimes it feels like fairy tale or perhaps they were dreams. In the end, I'll still have to wake up. The feeling came back, once again. It's like the bond between me with people is so fragile that it might break anytime. I just feel like I'm so alone. Sometimes, don't even know who to go to. It's not that I don't have friends. I do. I have a lot of friends. But, at this moment, no matter what I do, I'm afraid it might affect the friendship and it will be gone forever. Therefore, I'm reluctant to move or even do anything. It's like no matter what I do it's not right. Not right at all. I don't know what to do.

People are not like what I used to think they are anymore. People are now more complicated, far more complicated than I've ever thought. Feeling tells. 

Apart of that, my life is a mess. Big mess. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know where I'm gonna be. I'm lost. Once again. My relationship, friendship, life, career, study, everything is so messed up. Seriously. I don't know if I should stay. I don't know if anyone wants me to stay. I don't know where I belong. I belong no where perhaps. This is so terrifying. It's scaring me so much.

Anyway, I might be leaving the country in two months time. I wonder how would it like for me to go through these two months. Well, I do have a choice. The choice that I'm reluctant to take is to continue study by spending more and more money from my family to stay here. I couldn't be selfish. My parents are getting old, my sister needs to live a life. A life of her own without have to worry about me.I wonder, how far can I go with my qualification now. I doubt it. Perhaps, I shall consider about continuing. But I doubtmy ability to study too. Anyway, life is full of choices. Too many choices that I'm afraid to take.I used to regret about what I didn't take, now I'm afraid I'd be scared by what I've take.

No one could help me, like one of my mentor always say. I shall take a serious consideration and think about what I should do, not affect by anyone, anything. I need a peace of mind.

I'll have update about my GC trip later. Till then. さよなら~