Hope

Hope

Today...

It's another one an a half months.

Beautiful Brunch
Lovely High Tea
Wonderful Dinner
Party with beloved friends

That One Person That I Love

That One Person That I Love

I didn't realize it was 3 years ago until I check my old post. I was still in UCSI, doing my 1st year of degree. I was a happy girl. But just restless because I've always got so much to do. I have to rush home before 9pm if there's no one. I always have to do so much before I go to class even when I'm at home. But I'm happy that I did so much. I'm thankful that I have the chance to do so much.

When I was in kindy, I hate it when I have to walk home myself after the school bus drop me at the junction. When I was in primary school, I love it when I'm sick. I love my recess because I got to eat some really nice lunch but not just bread. Sometimes, I have this love hate feeling towards what I have in the day. Well, what I miss the most was the congee with lots of vege in it. Spinach, carrot, and more. Oh! And clam as well. =) When I was in secondary school, I always go home late. Because I've always got so much activity in school. Clubs, Society, Practice, Competitions and so and so. After school, I'll have tuition and sometimes I gallivant with my best friend. But in the end, I'm always upset when I gets home and start yelling. ><" When I was in Uni, things changed. Changed so much. I know my responsibility. I know what I should do and what is right to do. I brought up well. I'm glad. All thanks to this person that I have all my senses and all that I need to know about the world. This person is my grandmother. Tan Kwee Eng.

She passed away 3 years ago on this day, 3 years ago. I was relieved, because she got out of pain and sorrow.

 

I just thought about something funny that happened with her. 3 years ago, it was Malaysia's general election. She refused to vote. I asked her why, she just said she don't want to. I kept asking why, then she asked, "When I come out of the voting room, how am I gonna find you?" I burst out laugh, I said," Popo, we're gonna find you. We will never leave you alone. Or were you thinking that we might throw you away? Silly." Me and my sister can't stop laughing. She read too much about old folks being left on the streets or some places. That will never happen to her. Ever. She is just so adorable.

I miss her. I've got so much to tell her. I've got so much to talk to her about.

Once I asked:

"Can you just stay with me a little
bit longer?
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me graduate from University.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me fall in love with the greatest guy.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me married to the one I love the most.
Just a little bit longer so that you can see me give birth to my first child."

"I miss you. Popo. Hope you're doing well there. I love you. Forever."

If You Ever Gonna Read This

If You Ever Gonna Read This

I have changed perhaps, according to many people. Maybe I have. But after all, I'm just wanting something more in my life. Is that wrong? I wish I have more, a little bit more. But when I get what I want, people said I want too much and it is not what I deserve. Once I lost everything, literally everything. But when I'm back on track, I lost balance. I lost the balance of being a friend of theirs and a friend of the others. I could have be like what they want me and expect me to be. But I can't. I can't help to be like that. Someone dragged me into this. It shouldn't be this messy. YOU! You dragged me in, and you push everyone away, and now you want all of them by yourself. You are selfish and mean. I could have been better maybe to just stay ordinary, but you told me I could be different. Live better and be treated better. Well, after all I'm best to be ordinary, stick with what I have and what I can afford. I can't afford to be the way I was anymore. I feel sorry to myself. Sorry to everyone, except you. You're to blame. Like everyone said. I hate you, from now on. I hate you, from the bottom of my heart. Goodbye.

Once Upon A Time

Once Upon A Time

Ever since that day. I already forget what is it like to be indulge in somebody's arm being pampered. I already forget what is it like to be somebody's something. I already forget what is it like being love and adore. I already forget what is it like to be with you. I even forget what is it like to be in love.

As much as I want to live an ordinary life, I find myself couldn't escape the fact that life is dramatic and cruel. I learned to be on my own, I learned to weigh my friends more, I learned to be happy by myself, I learned to trust myself. This is a lesson of life.

Apart of that, I've seen faces. Like hypocrites, which I find it amusing when they are talking to me. Seriously hillarious. When you're telling too much lies, there's consequences. Which end up to be called a hypocrite, liar, or cheater. LOL. Well, I also realise, people usually gets along with people who are similar. What I'm saying is, hypocrite will always get another hypocrite. And they will live happily ever after. Sounds like a fairytale for them. Are they really gonna be happy living behind a mask? Or you can only be true in that way? I ponder. At least I can't. Truth is truth, you can't only believe what you want it to be true. So, get a life. Oh, you guys are having a life, perhaps. I could never live in it. Haha. 

Cut the crap. What I need now, is a job. So that, I can support my own living and continue stay here. Another issue is, I needs to decide what I want to do after this. A Law degree? Or a Master in Communication? Hard choice. Anyway, I'm taking a Japanese language course next month onwards. Wishing that, I could go to Japan one day. Near future if possible. Well, I'm planning for a vacation end of the year. Actually I'm living a life nothing different from a holiday. No aims, no objective, no target, nothing. But, plenty of stuff to sort out. I'll sort it out soon. Very soon. Tell you guys more soon.

Before that, let me tell you a story:

"Mr Hypocrite and Mrs Hypocrite finally have their fairytale came true. Poor Mr Hypocite W, can't get what he want. Finally they have a new company, Mr Hypocrite F. And they live happily ever after. The End~"

I Still Love You II

I Still Love You II

Alright, continue from what I left off that day. I said, perhaps it's love that kept the relationship goes on. Or is it something else? Being a couple like the couple in the series, it is really not easy. Trust is the first thing should be gained in a relationship. Without trust, nothing can be done. Everything is over. Trust is earned. A girl needs security, a guy needs security too. So, what are the criteria consisted to feel secure? In a relationship, it's between 2 person. Just 2. No one else should be in it, including family (mother... Lol) and even friends (xbf, xgf, xcrush, xxx, bff, who ever). No no! When there's more than 3 person, it should happen when you're married with kids. Sometimes, trust should be gained with respect and understanding between each other.

Being together, the couple should have something in common, not only interest, friend or career. But I think the best thing to have together is a common goal. Something 'we' would want to achieve. I told my friend this. What is important in a relationship is what they want now and future. The goal can be as simple as being together when the time comes. Girl always tell the guy, you don't understand me, you don't know what I want. Of course a guy won't understand this, because guy never think! Even if the do think, it's would be the simplest thought on earth. No offense. What a girl want is participation and involvement. They wanna be in your plan, they wanna be in what you wanna do, they wanna be in what you wanna achieve. That's why they ought to know everything about you. But guy always think they wanna achieve something by themselves and they want you to be proud of them, proud of their achievement. Which is why, girl will never understand and so do guy. Well, a relationship is not something easy. I think I shall just look around, just look. LOL.

By the way. Ever since my holiday started, I've been working almost everyday from the day I came back from GOR. It's freaking 9 days straight. I'm so proud of myself. LOL. I know I know, probably you're thinking much 'kaching kaching' coming in. Yes! But there are also a lot of them going out because I've been shopping much. ROFL. But I'm happy what I bought thou. Not branded, but a lot of stuff. Well, not that much thou. Because some of them are for my lovely family and friends. Wee~

Oh ya! The most important thing to mention about today is, my results are out! I got 1 pass, 2 credit and 1 distinction! Wee~ Aren't you proud of me? I've been quite nervous and anxious about my result because I don't think I did well. But it seems that my effort worth the while.

'Secret mission on the run. Wee~'

No!

No!

I just don't wanna be like them. I'm not them. I'm different. I don't want!!!