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The Road Not Taken. Count Me In

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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Speaking Through My Heart

I woke up this morning, all sad and gloomy. The feeling of emptiness and lonesomeness got to me so much that I almost cried. Well, I did cried in the car. Teared to be precise. Sis is leaving to Jakarta next Monday. It feels like I'm gonna be all by myself after her departure. Because she has always been there for me. No matter what, anything urgent, the first one who will come to my mind is her. I don't know what I'm gonna do without her. All by myself. Everyone said I'll be fine, since I left her to Melbourne alone. It's different. She'll still have my back even if I'm in Melbourne. But this time is different. I just feel different.

Me and parents never really get along. Especially since I've gotten this job, they had been complaining about it so so so so much. I know. It's out of concern about my safety. But I can't help, because this job has given me sucha freedom and opportunity that I know I'll never get it else where.

A month ago, I got myself into some situation. It wasn't suppose to be like that actually. It was suppose to be just a short one, but I got so serious with it. It's not right. Well, I know. I shouldn't have.
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Never Look Back

Talking about being friend. I'm fortunate to have had my two BFFs. Yea, they've been with me and always by my side. Good or bad. We fought some time ago. But it's all good now. I'm glad. Really. Can't bear to not be friends with someone like him and her. We're close with each other. Even our family, we know each other's family well enough. We care. Somehow, we're just like siblings. Brother sisters. How do you define BFF? To me, they are more than just friends, they are family.

How do you actually classify your friend?

Some people are just not meant to be anything in your life. Not even acquaintance. They are just not worth it.

"We've come a long way since that day
And we will never look back, at the faded silhouette~"

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手牽著手

"我不需要轟轟烈烈,只要細水長流,白頭到老。現在我有了轟轟烈烈,還會白頭到老嗎?"
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520

It's 520. 20th of May. It simply means "我愛你", "I Love You".

L.I.L.Y =)
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Updates

I got a new job. Yea, finally~ I haven't been doing anything except assignment and doing nothing. This is like the 8th offer I got in 4 months. @_@ isn't that lil bit too much? How can there be so many positions suit me? My new job is something I see myself doing perhaps. It's back to F&B. I see a lot of late nights and drinking coming around. Overall, I would say I enjoy my work, I like what I'm doing so far. Anyway, it's only my 4th day. Haha.

Yea. I'm playing on fire. The fire is getting fiery. I was about to put it off, but somehow I just can't let go of the warmness that the flame could offer.

Anyway, talking about life. Every year, it will come to a point where I'll be lost in direction of what I want in life. Is it love? Is it career? Is it family? It is actually just simply what I wanna do. I wonder what would I be graduating from a LLB somehow. I love what I'm doing now. It's like I'll ask myself sometimes, what's the point of studying law after all. I enjoy doing it of course. I love the sense of what law could offers in guiding people in life. Some people take it in a good way, it will leads to good. But people who play along with the line, it will leads you to hell. Eventually.

I'm a good person. At least I think I am and I believe I am. =)
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The Season of Break Up 4.0

People! Stop telling me you wanna break up ><" The best part is, in the end you guys never really break up. What's the point of having the urge but not doing it?

Well, I understand. Sometimes people tend to think twice. There might be a turning back, there might be a possibility, there might be a change, there might be better. We tend to give ourselves thousands and thousands of reason to not break the tie between ourselves and the person we once love so much. Maybe this is just me.

But come to think of it. If the situation is not as worse or the feeling is not fading, why would you even have the idea of breaking up? It has to come to the extend that, you couldn't tolerate any longer.

What's after break up?  Get a rebound? Be alone? Be friend? Be an unleashed girl? Get together with some who hates and bitch about it?

I chose to be alone. Not lonely, not lonesome. I have people around me. I thought about rebound, but it's just not me. It's not fair. It's not fair to that person who really loves me but I didn't love back. No matter how much you try, you just can't. I didn't bitch, really. I practically didn't say anything after that day. I don't hate. Not anymore. I don't blame either. Maybe not anymore. This is just me, I'm not saying everyone should be like this. But I find this is the best way to get over it. Call me a hypocrite. I am what they seen.

Well, it's been almost a year. Time flies~ 

"Bitching is fun, but it degrades you."


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An End is A New Start

What's ended?

My assignment. Haha! Yes, assignment of the year has just ended. Haven't stayed up till 5am (except clubbing) since I came back from Melbourne. Call me a blessed baby. Yea well, it ended. Phew~ I really wanna say, Law is no joke. It's really hard. The only thing I hope for at the moment is, I would pass my Law exam. *fingers crossed*

I'm a law student now. And I just came across an assignment of the subject I hate the most- Public Law. It's pretty much about politic and government administration law. I hate this to bits, yet this Saturday I'm going to Bersih 3.0 rally. I was never an up-to-date-politic-follower. Well, I do have some knowledge about what's going on in Malaysian politic thou. But I never like it, because it's so corrupted. Honestly, corruption happens everywhere. But not as bad as what is happening here now. Perhaps it's time for us to stand together, hand in hand. The government should hear our voice. We're not barbarian, we don't demonstrate like what happened in some other country, we come in peace. I bet it would be an experience in life. At least I could tell the next generation, I stood up for the country. Let's hope for the end of corruption.
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Do Something

You do things. You do what you want to do and what you're comfortable doing. Perhaps sometimes you'd have to do something you don't want to do but you have to do. You do things, it's not always out of own will. There'd be reasons. Be it for responsibility, for care, for love, for your own comfort, for what makes you happy.
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Update

I was always confuse and unclear about what I want. Yea, till this moment I'm still confused.

Well, that's not what I'm gonna say this round. I haven't been doing much lately. I'm trying to spend time with friends, but I just can't. I don't have the time. Apart from the assignment work load catching up, I'm so anxious about getting a job. A lot of interviews going on these few weeks. But I'm looking for the one job that I think I'll enjoy doing instead of doing something like what I did previously which was a huge mistake. Anyway, I'm not in a rush of getting a job after all because this LLB thing is really driving me crazy. Now all I could think of is case and more and more case. Otherwise it would be doctrine after doctrine after doctrine. Hmm... What I've got myself into? I'm not complaining. I'm really not.

I haven't been going out either. 2 months without clubbing, really? Have I changed? LOL. Perhaps I would've gone back to the nerdy curfew girl again. But I'm so craving for the feeling of alcohol rush in my blood and it gets up to my head. When I get all tipsy. Thou sometimes it gets a lil bit emotional. But I like that. I like it so so much. Miss it.

I needa focus. Focus on my work, my assignment. Sorry people for I could not spend more time with you people. I'll get the time back alright. Just bear with me.

"I'm definitely SINGLE and AVAILABLE. =)"
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I miss

I thought I'd never do it again or go back to something I already gave up on. But nothing is definite. You don't hate someone for life, at least not me. Even the girl that I hate the most back in my high school days, we're talking now. I might just like you all over again. So, don't hate me. Or don't hate me for too long. I came in peace. =) Well, I know I can't do much. People hate, me. They just hate me. I can't control. But what I can control is to just be a better person. At least people who love me, love me for who I am. I'm me. So, starting loving me, because I will too.

Sometimes, I look back at the time when I was in Melbourne. The ups and downs that I've gone through in that one year, is like it's been ages ago. Because I don't hate, I don't rattle, I don't cry anymore. It feels like i've gone through so much. What happened in the past, they passed. I wouldn't hold on to it.

I miss some people, I miss some incidents, I miss some things, I miss some moments, I miss some tears.

Even if it's the worst time in my life, it has been the greatest moment that I'll never ever forget.

Now, I just wanna concentrate on what I'm doing and be prepare for what's coming. I need no drama. Stay away.
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Believing

It has been the longest I guess. Things changed. People changed. I changed. I'm having the most difficult time in my life I'd say. I know this would be a challenge to me. I'd grow from it. I'd gain more than I lost. I'd find more and more than what I used to have. I just have to hang on it. Hang on, so that I could learn. Learn from the worse situation. I've been through it and I believe I can go through it again. I shall work very very hard. Hundred and one thousand percent of effort. I'd strive. I believe I would. I know I can.
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2 • 0 • 1 • 2

The year has ended. New one is here. What is past is passed. Perhaps I shall learn to forgive. As I never regret what happened over the year. What is meant to be, it will be. I thank each and everyone that had made my year. It's been great with ups and downs. My life became so exciting which I never had before. I thank each and everyone that had made me who I am today. I'm stronger, tougher, better. Live life. Hope it's not the end of the world, even if it will be, I'm glad what I had came across. Happy New Year.
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I Am Just Like Everyone Else

It's almost the end of a year. What I'm expecting for the coming year is all the business that awaits me. Normally when it comes to year end, this should either be a flash-back or a resolution post right? I should just be normal. Let's have a flash-back.

The year passed by in the speed of light. I didn't had a good start for the year. Instead it was really the suckiest in my life. I spent my New Year Eve stuck in the car when the clock strikes 12:00. Boo... Overall the starting of the year is kind of a balance, equal portion of happiness and sadness. It's a balance. I'm not complaining. But the extreme emotion change made me loss a lot of weight. Like 10kg? Haha. Well, I see it in a good way. I got a sexy waist from that. Haha.What is consist in the sad part. It's of course the break up. Nothing much I want to say about the break up. Well, I see it in a good way too. What I get out of this is more and more happiness, as well as all the freedom that I own. In return, I got loads of happiness out of the break up. I love myself more and more each day.

Besides the break up part, I got all stressed up because it's my final semester in uni. When I look back, it wasn't that hard after all. I'm fortunate to have got my degree without have to resit any paper. Thank God. Other than being stress for homework, break up and job, I've traveled around Melbourne having some great time with them. I had fun seeing the Prince of the Ocean, Hot Spring, Disney Exhibition. At the end of the semester, we went Gold Coast for our so-called Graduation trip.

Oh! This is when the drama comes by. Probably not many people know about this. Or did everyone already know about it? Yes! I'm talking about the back-stab, childish I-friend-u-u-don't-friend-him/her thing, gossips and non-stop gossip. Thanks to those people I actually realized who's really good to me and who really my friends are. Thank you "girls".

I'm not complaining. Seriously I'm not. Over all of the drama, I still feel happy. The year had actually treated me well. I'm different. In every way. I'll just look forward to the coming year. Hopefully it wouldn't really be the end of the world because I haven't had the TIME OF MY LIFE yet.

"What comes around, goes around."
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Incredible • Life

"I have time I have time I have time."

That's what I'm thinking everyday. Same old phrase I've been saying since I came back. All of a sudden, I feel like I'm all packed up. I'm gonna be so busy in the coming days. Or perhaps years. I can see that coming.

I have plenty of stories to tell this round. Where should I start? Hmm... Perhaps let's start with a getaway to Incredible India.

Almost everyone who first heard about me going to India, would ask me:"Why India?" Followed by a questioning squirking face, something like this ="=?? Then, followed by an advice:"Beware of diarrhea." Haha. Well, I would say, India is an Incredible country. Thou I haven't seen the whole country, but I've seen the worst and also the best of the world. (Did I?) We went in a 3 girls group. Yea, just 3 girls. We're brave enough to explore this head twisting place without any solid planning with only 2 nights of hotel stay and a 2 way airticket booked. People were generally kind to us, except the part that some of the people couldn't speak English. That's when paper, pen and drawing take place. We thought it would me more of like a backpacking, bunk-bed, dirty, walking kinda trip. But ended up something more like a well planned teenager luxurious trip. Not really luxury thou, but some of the 3 stars hotel were really impressive. Like what we should do, we went to the Golden Triangle of India, which is Delhi, Agra and Jaipur.  A driver uncle drove us the whole journey, saved us from squeezing into smelly and hot train. Haha. The uncle was a really nice man, his name is Mr Santosh. Besides chauffeuring us around, he is really a thoughtful and caring tour guide. Telling us what to do, and what's not. Always concern about our leisure and safety. Of course, end of the trip we tipped him well. =) Oh! Me and Ser did get sick, on the last day of the trip. We got diarrhea, and I even got fever that night. This is sort of like a killer. Hmm... Well we still enjoyed. Seeing the magnificent Taj Mahal, living in the Holy city, passing by country sides, disappointment of not able to see any tigers. They were all wonderful, it is definitely an experience of life.

Looking back at the journey, somehow I think I'm fortunate and some of the scenes kept me ponder about life. For instance. There was this day where we have to take a 3 hours drive through a bumpy rocky road with dust and sand everywhere. I saw 3 young children in their school uniform, not really clean but neat and tidy. They were holding an apple in their hands. Looking at it, for kids like us wouldn't want to even touch it when it covered with sand and dust. Even their hair, hands and feet were the same, yellowish. Passing by them, I saw a few kids, probably around 2-3 years old looking at the direction of the 3 children jumping and smiling. Seems like they are joyful about something. Then I realized it's the dirty and dusty apple that brought them joy.

Besides, I also came across some people on the street. We were very defensive to them. Protecting our valuables. Probably these are the consequences of Malaysia Society and Media. They saw us carrying cameras. All they ask for was just a picture of theirs and maybe a piece of something from Malaysia which we don't even value the existence of it. Say, a pen for instance. It's a treasure to them from a foreign country.

They are different. An unwanted thing of ours could be the precious thing of their life and even brought them joy. What is iPod to them? Nothing. What is Prada to them? Just a name. What is steak to them? Just another piece of meat that could keep them filled up. These kept me ponder too. Thou I'll still enjoy the existence of these creations.

Apart of that, stories that came into my ears these days. I wonder, why struggle? Why hate? Why sad? Hmm...

One of it happened to be something to do with my past. It is happening on someone else now. Thou up to this moment I still can't get an answer if it did happen. I pity you. From the bottom of my heart.

It's almost 3 in the morning now. I guess I should hit the bed like soon soon. I don't want my face to look like a zombie and interviews started to schedule in. Till then, stay tune for more pictures of the Incredible India on my Facebook. Adios~
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The Terminal II

I just reached Kuala Lumpur airport about 3 days ago. Yes! KUALA LUMPUR INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. I'm waiting for Christina Thong to pick me up. ><" Well. It's pretty early thou but yea. I'm back! (Unwillingly) I could have been still sleeping on my cozy bed now wrapping myself in my warm quilt with Smoochie running over me and jumping here and there making all sorts of noise.

I came back and didn't really stay and off I go to Singapore already. For trip of course. With a purpose, which is to attend a wedding. Joan and Joshua's wedding. I spend 2 nights in Singapore with jia and we went to the tourist places. It was fun. I haven't met my very best friend since I left. It's great we always go for trip together.

Since I came back, I tend to have the sense of insecurity and lostness. Don't know what to do, where to go...etc. It's frustrating. Besides that, the emptiness is getting on my nerve. I'm homesick. I miss my friends, I miss my cat, I miss my job, I miss my bed, I miss the weather, I miss the place, I miss the people. I'm looking forward to go back, look forward to meet all the people. I'll be back, I'm sure I'll be back.
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The Terminal

It reminds me of the movie by Tom Hanks.

Party through the night with all my friends was awesome despite the part that I was really gloomy and doomed whole night. Sorry peeps. ><" I only had a 4 hours sleep the night before at Ronald's place. After party was followed by the usual supper session while happened to be the worst supper I had not because of the food but who I met. Boo~ Went back with cow to Club 1202 again since Ronald is not around. ( Thanks for your accommodation, =P) I quickly showered and I shall meet Debbie at Southern Cross at 5.30am. Phew~ I'm lucky enough to have a 15 minutes power nap.

We flew all the way to Sydney. For one reason- Kpop Fest Concert. Everyone wondered if I'm really into Kpop. I thought I wasn't, instead I realized I am. Singing with all the songs, screaming my lungs out when my favorite artist doing their performance.

Reaching Sydney that early, of course we did travel around to look at this city. Well, it's the second time I came here. I didn't like it here, neither did she. Probably Melbourne had spoiled us too much and made us what we've become now. Critical. I mean difficult. LOL. We went to those "Tourist-must-go" spots for a look since Debbie hasn't been here before. Finding the public transport is really sucky. This is just personal comment, not a represent of the rest of the world. Well, the concert was awesome die. Watching 12 group of Korean artists performing is definitely an experience. Kara and SNSD definitely rocked the party! Thank you Debbie. :D

After concert, we didn't book a hotel or stayed over at any friend's place. Instead we waited at the terminal. And we even got shooed off because the terminal is closing. We have to make a move to the Maccas 10 mins walk away and took a 3 hours nap over there like everyone else did. That was seriously one hell of an experience. And we are now waiting at the terminal for our flight back to Melbourne again.

Nothing like Tom Hanks happened. Boo~

"totally in vain."
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Addiction

I was thinking about this whole day. I've been here in Melbourne for almost 2 years. I've seen people. I met different people from every part of the world everyday. Sometimes I think it is really one of the very important factors that made me who I am now. An environment can shape a person. I'm shaped.


I think I've changed. In many sense. Physically, mentally, emotionally and even my appearance. Well, everyone does change. But it depends how much you changed. I believed anyone who knows me would say, I've totally changed. In every way. I'm sure this is something good. Melbourne widen my eyes. Now I see my life, my world my future in a total different perspective from what I thought it was before I came here. I even changed my life value, or perhaps principle of life.


A lot of things, you just can't be bothered. Especially when it's none of your business. Just keep your mouth shut and keep out of trouble. No point getting involve with something that is not what you should bother about.


Something that, everyone take it very seriously. To me, it is not really anything really should be taken seriously. Instead it depends on what do you think. It's not like the whole world think the same way while some people might it is something very important and serious.


What have I become? Materialistic? Realistic? Selfish? Perhaps I would say I love myself more and more these days. Everyone should. It's not selfishness but it is something everyone should do before they start loving or caring anyone else. This is something really basic.


I love the freedom I own here. I love it. To the extent perhaps some people would say I abused my freedom. How abusive can that be when I'm doing something that I like but do not harm anybody else? I'm confused sometimes.

"You won't stop and you can't stop when you're addicted to it. You'll just keep doing it all over again even when you said you hate it so much. You'll just go on and on and on and on."
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Boy, Please. ♥

Everytime when I hear this song, it reminds me of a period of time where I think sisterhood is the most precious assets I've got. Thank you all of you who went through it with me. I'm grateful. You girls are the best thing God have gave me up till now.


"After getting drunk, I cried
Waiting for you in front of your house
The fire inside the house
Seeing you with him, it's hard to breathe
Focus your eyes on her, kissed her
Holding her to fall asleep
I really hate you
I bite my lips, swallowed the tears
Standing here like a crazy girl

I wish it was only you
Forever it's you
Tears fall, sitting here hesitating to call you
I call
I just don't get it, get it
Why don't you get  it, get it
Please don't laugh looking at that person
Please don't kiss that person
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar
and a killer

If I close my eyes Baby
I still think you're by my side
Your breath, your love, inside of me
I will get away from your hold
Rain will wash away the separation
The memories I want to erase
To somewhere far into the darkness
Taking along the tears of pain

I wish it was only you
Forever it's you
Tears fall, sitting here hesitating to call you
I call
I just don't get it, get it
Why don't you get  it, get it
Please don't laugh looking at that person
Please don't kiss that person
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar
and a killer

The cigarette smoke between
You can go
It carved deeper in me
I cannot forget you
Oh Boy

Come back to me again

Screaming like crazy, I love you only
It was wrong sending you away
I regret and I wish
I wish
I just don't get it, get it
Why can't you get it, get it
Please don't hold that person in your arms
Please don't love that person
Cuz you're the cheater, a liar
and a killer
Oh Baby, I need you
You took my love
and killed it boy
You took my love
You took my love
and killed it boy
You took my love
and killed it boy
Don't do it
You took my love
and killed it boy
Why my heart cries
Oh Boy, (It's) like you killed me
You took my love
and killed it girl
Baby you killed it
Please don't leave me"


You girls know who you are. We cried, we laughed, we played, we fooled around. Those were the prettiest memories I had.
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Happy Birthday to Me

心一跳,心就開始煎熬〜

No no, this post is not gonna be emo. Because this post would be all about my birthday. Before I start, I wanted to say, none of my wish came through. However, I'm still happy and grateful. =)


Well I should start with my birthday eve. It's the 2nd day of Ronald's birthday thou. He invited some of his close friends to a dinner at Heirloom, a French and Japanese fusion fine dine restaurant. Of course I'm invited, otherwise why would I be writing this now? Silly. It's an eight courses dinner. We had much laughter with the present of everyone, it seems like a gathering than a birthday celebration.


After dinner, follow-up by the usual stuff. Of course it's clubbing. Ronald's booked the entire VIP lounge in Alumbra. The night was just awesome. Nothing better to describe but awesome. But the worst thing was me and Hayze have to walk this drunkard all the way back to King. Hmm... Well, it's a favor for the birthday boy. =P You owe me one. Nyahahaha!!! But, I'll make sure I never do this again. Walking back is a pain in ass. ><" No more. No more. Anyway, it was still a good night. A good good night. Besides the part about I puked in the club for the first time and luckily I didn't got kicked out. Phew~

Cassey called the next morning while I'm still nuaing in bed which I barely sleep that night. Cassey and the gang is bringing me to somewhere. Somewhere for some extreme sport- Water Rafting! I'm quite excited at the same time I'm anxious when I first heard about it because I'm not a swimmer. ><" Anyway, me, Cassey and Soon went up to Mansfield first. Kenyo, Mark and Mei Shi went after. We spent a night in Mansfield with steamboat and card game. Of course, it comes with a birthday cake surprise too. It was the only birthday cake I had this year. =)

Unfortunately, the activity was cut-off because the water level is not high enough. =( Well, I'm still happy about the trip. Really happy. Anyway, thank you guys. Love you all much. Muacks muacks muacks.

Finally, I would like to thanks each and everyone who remembered my birthday. While to those who don't remember, well, it shows how long we've gone. Cheers.

Oh ya! Talking about pressie. I'm very delighted about it. Haha!!! Thou, none of them are on my wishlist. But I'm grateful.


"YOU owe me. Because you never gave me a birthday pressie. Not even last year."